Why Did You Have To Leave?
by chawk1993
Summary: *ONE-SHOT**Post-Season 5 of The Clone Wars* Just hours after Ahsoka's departure from the Jedi Order, Anakin finds himself back in Padmé's apartment where they discuss their young friend's decision.


**A/N:** _Hi everybody. This is a short that I wrote after seeing the Mid-Season 2 trailer for Star Wars Rebels. Please be advised that this is a spoiler (in a way). Ahsoka and Vader WILL clash and Vader will use Ahsoka's guilt and his own heartbreak (as Anakin) over her departure from the Jedi Order against her by using his old voice to get under Ahsoka's skin. I have seen the trailer so many times since it was released that I know the section of the trailer with Anakin's voice by heart. According to the trailer, there is also going to be a moment where Ahsoka sits down with Ezra and shows him what appears to be training holos of Anakin in which Ezra comments that Anakin is an amazing Jedi in which she comments he was her master when she was a Jedi. How this season ends I don't know but I'm hoping it's not what we're all expecting.  
_

 _Anyway, onto this one-shot. This is the second post-season 5 of the Clone Wars fic that I have published in as many days. Having seen only the ending of the Season 5 finale, there are so many questions and reactions I can write and ask about how Anakin copes with Ahsoka's departure. While the one I published the other day, Unsolved Comfort involves Padmé going out and bringing Ahsoka back to say a proper farewell to Anakin, this one only mentions her and has more to do with Anakin's reaction to her leaving and Padmé comforting him. I might write another one but I'm not sure yet. Anyway, the title of this one-shot is actually taken from the Rebels Mid-Season 2 trailer of Anakin's voice saying to Ahsoka, "Why did you have to leave? Do you know what I have become?" It sends chills, that's for sure. Hope you all enjoy._

* * *

 **Why Did You Have To Leave?**

* * *

Devastation. Hurt. Heartbreak.

Anakin felt hollow. He had somehow ended up back in Padmé's apartment. He didn't even remember leaving the steps of the Temple.

Padmé watched from the couch as her husband paced on the balcony. She knew he was hurting. She was to. All the hard work she had put into Ahsoka's case had freed their young friend but it hadn't been enough for Ahsoka to remain a Jedi. She had been close to Ahsoka but quite as Anakin had been. Rising from her seat, she went and joined him. As she edged closer, she could see he'd been crying.

"Ani."

Anakin sniffed, trying to hold himself together as he turned to face Padmé. "I couldn't stop her."

Padmé issued a sympathetic look before hugging him.

Anakin clung to his wife like his life depended on it.

"She did what she thought was right." Padmé told him gently before kissing him on the forehead. "She's been through a war. No teenager should have to fight in a war."

Anakin's grip on her tightened as he cried. He'd never broken down in front of anyone except Padmé. He'd broken down after he'd slaughtered that village of Tusken Raiders that had kidnapped and particularly killed his mother. Padmé had always been able to comfort him in ways that no one else could. Obi-Wan had ways of comforting him too when it came to the Hutts or slavers but it wasn't quite the same. Padmé was different and wasn't because she was his wife.

Padmé held her husband for a long silent moment. She hated seeing him this way. It took her back to when he had broken down after his mother had died. She hadn't known Shmi all that well but she had witnessed Anakin's bond with her when he had just been a little boy.

Anakin's bond with Ahsoka had been just as strong. They had each other's backs and knew what the other was thinking much like Anakin did with Obi-Wan. To Padmé, this was a little strange but she had learned in the last couple of years of being married to Anakin that Jedi had bonds with their masters or apprentices and it become second nature to her and just to deal with it.

"Why? Why did she have to leave?" Anakin murmured into Padmé's shoulder.

Padmé pulled back to look at him. "She did what she thought was right," she repeated. "Ahsoka's a smart kid. She knows what she's doing."

Anakin sniffed. "I have to find her." He started to pull away from Padmé but she stopped him.

"Anakin, she could be anywhere by now. It's been hours."

"I have to try, Padmé. I can't let her walk away from the only home she's ever known."

Padmé grabbed his face, forcing him to look her. "She knows what she's doing. She would have stayed if she wanted to. She wants a fresh start. Let her have that."

"But-"

Padmé shook her head, prompting Anakin to go silent. He knew better then to argue with her. As much as it hurt him to let his little friend go, he knew Padmé was right, even if he didn't like it.

Letting Ahsoka go would be like letting Padmé or Obi-Wan die or that one time when R2 had gone missing. He knew that losing Ahsoka had left an Ahsoka shaped hole in his heart. She had been everything to him. A Padawan. A friend. A travelling companion. A little sister. Sure, he hadn't told her what was _really_ going on in his private life but apparently, he hadn't need to. Her final words to him had been "I know" when he had told her he knew what it was like to want to leave the Jedi Order.

Her words still haunted him and she hadn't even been gone twenty-four hours.

Padmé pulled Anakin to couch and they curled up together. She too hadn't been happy with the way Ahsoka had been treated. Anakin had asked her represent Ahsoka in court and it had disgusted her the way Tarkin had tried to convince everyone that Ahsoka was capable of murder and of acts of terrorism. She couldn't believe people had actually ben stupid enough to believe him. She was still coming to terms that the Jedi council had believed it and stripped Ahsoka of her ranks. It was disgusting. She knew there was corruption in the Senate but she couldn't believe there was corruption on the side the Jedi were supposed to be allied with. Tarkin was a slimeball, there was no question about it.

Anakin had told Padmé enough stories about the guy to make her hate him too. The guy had never thought highly of Ahsoka at all. He saw her as a shadow, an insect that needed to be swatted away. From the stories that Anakin had told her, Padmé had wanted to give Tarkin a stern talking to but Anakin had said, the guy wasn't worth it. He was snobbish and clearly didn't think highly of the Jedi at all, despite everything they'd done for the Republic.

"This war is tearing the galaxy apart," Anakin murmured, his head coming rest on Padmé's shoulder. He sighed as more tears flowed down his face. "I wish this war would just end."

"Only the Chancellor can end the war." Padmé sighed.

Anakin wanted to snap back at his wife's comment but found he didn't have the energy to do so. He had already lost Ahsoka. He didn't need to lose Padmé or his friendship with Palpatine as well.

For the next couple of hours, Anakin and Padmé sat still, comforted by each other's presence. It had been a long day but they knew life was only to going to get harder and now that Ahsoka was no longer a Jedi, Anakin's life was only going to get harder without the feisty young woman at his side.

"I hope Ahsoka's going to be okay out there on her own," Anakin sighed. "I will never forgive myself if something happens to her."

Padmé looked over at him and placed a hand on his cheek. "She's smart. She has a lot of options she could pursue. Just promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise me you won't go out there and try to find her. She'll only run from you."

Anakin looked long and hard, trying to determine if Padmé was serious. After a moment, he realised she was. "I won't go after her."

"If she wants to contact you, she will. Give her time. She has been through a lot."

Anakin wanted to argue but knew Padmé was right. He knew that she had wanted Ahsoka to stay as much as he had but she knew that once the teenager made up her mind that was it. In a way, she reminded him of well, himself. If he made a decision, that was it; he wouldn't back down. He had taught Ahsoka _too_ well. He had meant everything he had said. He would have left the Jedi Order if he could have. Padmé was much more important to him then the Order. She always had been and always would be.

Maybe Ahsoka had been right. Maybe the Jedi Order, _couldn't_ be trusted. No. Anakin shook his head. He couldn't think that. They might have taken him in begrudgingly but that wasn't the point. They were frightened of him. That much was clear. They were all too aware of his 'attachment' issue. They were scared of the power he had and what he was capable of. He was just grateful that they didn't know of his crimes against the Tusken Raiders that had taken his mother from him.

Guilt and anger ate away at his gut. He hated what he had done to those mindless monsters as his stepfather had put it, but he had been angry and upset by the death of his only parent. He had given in to the Dark Side that night and it had been something he had struggled with it ever since. He thought back to the incident on Mortis. He remembered having his memory erased but other then that, he didn't remember past that point. He remembered feeling cold. Nothing more.

Padmé thought long and hard as to how Anakin was going to cope without Ahsoka at his side. Despite the fact the pair had spent time apart before, this was somehow… different. It felt more permanent. She had seen him emotional before but never like this. She had heard how their marriage shouldn't have been kept hidden but this was about Ahsoka.

The teenager had played a big role in Anakin's life over the past two years. Padmé had never seen Anakin so happy to return to the war, even if meant leaving her behind. As much as he hated the battlefield, he was only happy to have Ahsoka back at his side.

Padmé could recall from memory almost every story Anakin had told her about Ahsoka. She remembered how Anakin use to shudder when he recounted missions were they both almost died or nearly got someone else killed. Yeah. His stories of Ahsoka's bravery was unmatched to anything she had ever heard.

"I think she knew about us." Anakin said suddenly, snapping Padmé out of her trance.

"What? How?"

Anakin nodded before shrugging. "What does it matter?" he said. "Her last words to me were 'I know' when I told her I knew what it was like to want to leave the Jedi Order. I assumed that's what she was eluding to."

Padmé looked at him sadly. "I think I may have contributed to that."

Anakin appeared confused. "What do you mean?"

Padmé bit her lip, unsure of how she should comment. "Well, I may or may not have given her hints."

"Well, that or she wasn't ignorant to our interactions." Anakin said.

Padmé pressed her lips together and nodded. "I agree. Ahsoka isn't as stupid as you might think."

Anakin gave her a hard look. "I never said Ahsoka was stupid. She was – is – so optimistic," He sighed, defeated. "I can't just forget she ever existed."

Padmé reached to touch his cheek. "You aren't being expected to. She is your friend. She would never forget you and you would never forget her."

"What about the council?" Anakin questioned even though he didn't care. "They have already forgotten her."

"Make them realise their mistake." Padmé insisted.

"How?" Anakin said. "They are too caught up in their old ways."

"Go to someone who actually had Ahsoka assigned to you. Obi-Wan, maybe?" Padmé sighed as Anakin shook his head. "What about Master Yoda? He was the one responsible for assigning her to you to begin with, wasn't he?"

"Yes, he was," Anakin said slowly. "It won't make a difference, Padmé. He sided with the council. He's just over nine hundred years old and yet, he is as stuck in the council's old ways as Windu is and he's not even that old." Anakin could feel his chest become constricted. He felt Padmé's resting on his shoulders. He realised almost straight away that he was having a panic attack and was sobbing uncontrollably.

Padmé pulled her husband over the couches and made him sit down. "Ani, take deep breaths," Anakin complied and did as he was told. "That's it." Padmé's voice was calm and gentle.

After a few minutes, Anakin had calmed down enough to bring talking again. "I hate them," his voice was hoarse and stratchy. "I hate what they've become. They were suppose to believe in peace and justice but instead, they have just turned a blind eye on someone who was innocent."

Padmé sighed. "The evidence was overwhelming," Anakin gave her a look of disbelief but Padmé was able to cut across him before he could utter a word. "I never believed a word Tarkin of what said. I always believed Ahsoka was innocent. From the moment the news broke, I knew she had been set up. Why, I didn't know but it broke my heart when it came to light that it had been Barriss that had framed her. How could she blackmail her best friend? You did the right thing in standing by Ahsoka, Anakin. Never forget that. I wish I could help you in answering whatever answers you have but there are answers that will never come to light." The senator took her mourning husband's organic hand. "The only ones that can answer your questions are Barriss and Ahsoka."

Anakin took a shaky breath. "You're right," he said wiping his eyes. "Master Yoda and Obi-Wan wanted me to have an apprentice so that I would have let her go when the time was right. I know I could have let Ahsoka go but not like this. If things were different, I would have seen her training through until the end. I would have stood in the council chamber as she was knighted. I would have gone on assignments with her. I would have been proud of her, like Obi-Wan was with me but I feared I would never get to see that moment and strangely, I was right." He bowed his head as a fresh batch of tears flowed down his face

"Have you considered going to see Barriss in the cells and asking her why she framed Ahsoka?"

Anakin shook his head. "No. I don't want to see her. She's turned to the Dark Side. She can't be reasoned with."

Padmé detected the hate in Anakin's tone towards Barriss for the part she played in Ahsoka's departure from the Order. Sighing, she kept quiet for a moment.

"I have to get back the Temple." Anakin sniffed as she rose from his seat.

"Wait," Padmé rose and took his hand. She gave it a gentle tug and he sat back down. She did the same. "I know this hard, Anakin but Ahsoka wouldn't want you to mourn her as if she were dead. She would want you to continue on without her. Continue to fight for the galaxy's freedom. Help end this war."

Anakin stared at his wife for a long intense moment. He had the urge to kiss her but didn't. If he kissed her now, he'd never stop. "I just want my Padawan back," he whispered. "Is that so much to ask?"

Padmé pulled Anakin in a tight hug. She kissed his cheek and instantly felt him relax into her embrace. "Ahsoka would be proud of you, regardless of what you do. She wouldn't want you feeling sorry for her."

Anakin's shoulders heaved as he fought back another sob. He never cried so much in his life, except for when his mother died. "Why is fate so cruel?"

Padmé pursed her lips as she held her husband tighter then she ever had before. "Life has its challenges but we can overcome them."

"When did you get so wise?"

Padmé grinned but didn't pull out of the hug. "I married a Jedi remember? Plus, I have friends who are Jedi," she shrugged. "So, I guess their wisdom has rubbed off on me."

Anakin snorted in spite of himself. He even allowed himself to smile a little. " _Whoever_ your husband is, he's pretty smart."

Padmé frowned and playfully hit him in the back with her hand. "For a matter of fact, my husband _is_ pretty smart, only when he has his mind on a task."

Anakin scoffed as he pulled out of the hug to look at her. "Really?"

Padmé smiled cheekily. "There's the Anakin I know."

Anakin made every attempt to smile and succeed for a second. Things felt strangely right for a moment, despite the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him. The light teasing moments he had with Padmé were often the reason why he was still sane, even after two years of fighting in this godforsaken war.

His heartache over losing Ahsoka still hurt but he was glad Padmé understood even if no one else did. He could imagine what life would have been like if Ahsoka had of stayed. He could have told her about his marriage to Padmé. He could have told her of his past. She would have understood. He would have been able to relax a little bit. But he couldn't. Ahsoka was gone and wasn't coming back.

Anakin's upset returned and so did his guilt. "I could have done more to help her."

Padmé sighed. "Anakin, don't blame yourself. Like its been said, Ahsoka's departure wasn't your fault. You did everything you could. She knew how much you cared for her. You were willing to acquire the help of Ventress to clear her name."

"I didn't like it but I did it. Plus, Ventress was being framed too. As much I can't stand her, I could let her become another innocent victim in Barriss' crime."

"For as long as I've known you, Anakin, you've always had a good heart. You put others before yourself and that is something you have taught Ahsoka. She has become a lot like you."

"She's a little too much like me," Anakin said with a sigh. "When I was her age, I was reckless and constantly disobeyed Obi-Wan. I saved his life just as much as I nearly got him killed."

"So you admit to that?"

"Of course I admit to that. I might not admit to a lot of things but that I would."

"Ani, your guilt over Ahsoka's departure is perfectly natural. I might not have experienced what you have, but Ahsoka was my friend too. I loved her just as much as you did. She was like the little sister I never had."

Anakin couldn't argue with that logic. He knew whenever he was away on the battlefield and Ahsoka was back on Coruscant that she and Padmé spent time together and enjoyed each other's company. While he couldn't have been prouder of his two favourite girls, he knew that had now had come to an end because of Barriss and everything that gone down.

As much as she hated using past tense, Padmé knew that helping Anakin overcome his heartache at losing Ahsoka was the only option left. As much as she loved him, his grief would become her own. "We'll get through this together," she promised him. "I promise."

Anakin hugged her and placed a kiss to her cheek. He was comforted by the fact that while Ahsoka was gone, he still had his beloved wife to come home to.


End file.
